“I feel useless!” I sometimes curse myself for doing nothing at all. Is that valid?
My close friends or those who know me personally would always advice me to take a breather from work. One could say I’m a workaholic. Yes, I am. But no, I’m not. Let me put it this way: once I commit to work, I really work until I get everything done and right. The backside is that I tend to look for more work after that. I feel weird about it because apparently, I am enjoying all of them. I would sometimes rant on things, on inefficient people, on ineffective systems, but achieving something feels like no other.
But what if one is forced to have a break?
I like work breaks for the sole reason that I could sleep longer and would not have to be bothered about what time should I wake up in the morning. After a day of vacation or two, I am already restless and I feel everything is slow and building up against me. I would start to hate almost everything or at the least, become irritable. I am aware that this shouldn’t be.
Breaks are supposed to be relaxing or should I say, time to relax, not be irritable and not think of work. I want that what Italians call dolce far niente. I want to spend a day or an afternoon in a beach, sit on a boulder on the seashore and watch the sun sets and reflect those enchanting colors over the horizon; the waves caressing my feet and splashes of salt water sprinkle my face; a time where my mind just wonders anywhere without particularly thinking about something. That is ‘awesomeness’!
It’s just sad that I couldn’t do it given the present circumstances.