Still pretending


For lack of better things to do earlier, I had a marathon of Brothers & Sisters Season 3.  I watched the last five episodes I didn’t see for the past weeks because I’m preoccupied with several more important things.

I totally enjoy watching B&S since its first season.  It’s all about the eccentricities of being in the Walker family headed by Nora (Sally Field) and the complexities of being in a relationship whether in a family or otherwise.  In most ways, I could relate with the show’s themes such that one of the scenes in the 12th episode echoed my most recent dilemna and affirmed my resolve. Here’s the scene:

Kitty (Calista Flockhart) was very disappointed when everybody except her mother did not attend the reading session of her own book.  Her siblings and her senator-husband were obviously busy with their separate worlds.  The video summarizes Kitty’s frustrations.

Similarly, I have been an achiever myself during my school days.  I was proud of what I have achieved then which for the most part brought me to where and what I am now.  On a great deal, I struggled on my own.  Rarely that my family, specially my siblings, would even acknowledge my achievements.  I don’t know.  Maybe they were not vocal enough to show me they were proud of what I did or even just appreciate them.  But I could neither feel them.  It was then ingrained in me that my best was never enough for them.  I always see blank faces and cold shoulders.  My parents were so engrossed with one of my brothers.  It even came to a point when I vowed to myself that that same importance they were giving to my brother will soon be mine.  And it did.  It was too late though.

I felt that I was just brought up to uplift them from their own failures.  I had this belief for half of my life that I will carry the cross of my family and bring them to salvation. Until now actually.  But I learned to be that good son that I should be no matter how difficult and tiring it is. I had a lot of opportunities and resources to totally separate myself from them but still I kept my connection.  Frankly, the experience made me a better person, not that I would want myself to be, but just better. But I’m still pretending…

Just a can of coke.


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