For lack of better things to do earlier, I had a marathon of Brothers & Sisters Season 3. I watched the last five episodes I didn’t see for the past weeks because I’m preoccupied with several more important things.
I totally enjoy watching B&S since its first season. It’s all about the eccentricities of being in the Walker family headed by Nora (Sally Field) and the complexities of being in a relationship whether in a family or otherwise. In most ways, I could relate with the show’s themes such that one of the scenes in the 12th episode echoed my most recent dilemna and affirmed my resolve. Here’s the scene:
Kitty (Calista Flockhart) was very disappointed when everybody except her mother did not attend the reading session of her own book. Her siblings and her senator-husband were obviously busy with their separate worlds. The video summarizes Kitty’s frustrations.
Similarly, I have been an achiever myself during my school days. I was proud of what I have achieved then which for the most part brought me to where and what I am now. On a great deal, I struggled on my own. Rarely that my family, specially my siblings, would even acknowledge my achievements. I don’t know. Maybe they were not vocal enough to show me they were proud of what I did or even just appreciate them. But I could neither feel them. It was then ingrained in me that my best was never enough for them. I always see blank faces and cold shoulders. My parents were so engrossed with one of my brothers. It even came to a point when I vowed to myself that that same importance they were giving to my brother will soon be mine. And it did. It was too late though.
I felt that I was just brought up to uplift them from their own failures. I had this belief for half of my life that I will carry the cross of my family and bring them to salvation. Until now actually. But I learned to be that good son that I should be no matter how difficult and tiring it is. I had a lot of opportunities and resources to totally separate myself from them but still I kept my connection. Frankly, the experience made me a better person, not that I would want myself to be, but just better. But I’m still pretending…
Just a can of coke.