After what happened to me 4 years ago, I swore to myself that the past will not haunt me. I will move forward with my life. It was not easy, however, forgetting everything that happened. By the way, those days were lowest in my life. I was totally broken and the insomnia that I am currently coping with is part of it all.
I have thought of ending my misery for several times but I did not succeed. Instead, the things I did made a lasting mark on my person, like an ink blot in a white shirt that just slowly fades over time but will not be totally erased. Unlike the blotted white shirt that could be used as rag and again made useful, our person could not just be thrown away in the same way. We have to live and cope with the bad memories and experiences to continue life.
The white shirt, however, does not have the will as people do. Man was given this faculty to transform everything in his life, from bad to good things and vice-versa. Thus, my present life can be more meaningful and happy, that is, if I will it. Nevertheless, it is always a struggle given the human frailties.
I have lived my life on a going concern since then. I crawled with pains in the beginning but now I am proudly standing up and trudging on the new lease of life that was given me although there are times that I also stumble.
Above all, I am still seeking the immortal part of my being.
These thoughts came about over a puff of smoke. And I was soundly asleep.